Psalm 5

when you asked me: ‘why don’t you go to church?’
i spoke of the wild ‘something’ that rose in my dreams
mercilessly confronting my every falsity…
stripping me, layer by incremental layer
with its inflexible word… ‘time to
find your own language, images, understandings…’

what i did not say… & now wish i had,
Is that much, much, later… i limped back,
ever so tentatively… not to pew, nor doctrine,
but to the luminous sense of mystery i encounter
in words like ‘Eucharist’ & ‘Christ’…
& that this mystery feeds me…
draws me beyond my hard won separateness,
connects me with struggling humanity, until…
as for the very first time… i glimpse,
Samaritan women, tax collectors, crucified thieves
& every kind of outsider
gathered round a table, vast, yet simple,
within the heart
of all poor enough to uncover it

i cannot say, i can name the table…
(naming supposes possession)…
nor can i say, i dwell at the table…
(my poverty is newly begun)
but i can say, i have glimpsed the table
& this glimpse undoes my life

i say… if church dies… seek the table
if religion dies… seek the table
if God dies… seek the table
even if your very self should die… seek the table

for i have glimpsed the table

& the table never dies


Kevin Moran 14/10/07

Whakapapa: This psalm arose out of a spiritual companionship session. I was asked why I didn’t go to church. I talked of the wild ‘something’ (the Self) that came to me in my dreams & its push for me to find my own language (rather than group religious language) to describe my experience. Yet, as the psalm says, Christianity, at an esoteric (inner) level, holds profound treasures & mysteries. Many of these treasures are far older than Christianity itself & have been assimilated from other traditions. I return again & again to some of these mysteries. One of these is the unitive experience: an experience that shows us that we are each (including the animals & the planet) part of the One Great Life. Out of this unitive experience a deeply compassionate life of service & creativity can arise. For me words like ‘Christ’ & ‘Eucharist’ resonate with this unitive experience… as (I hope) does the psalm.

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