Roadside Chats (6) 2/3/15

It’s time to share Big Bush with Elle. We scramble up hills; watch hectors dolphins; cool our feet in the surf; talk of hopes and dreams.

On our first evening we watch a beautiful sunset. The light over the ocean is spellbinding. Later we lie awake talking under a sea of stars. I feel drawn to the Southern Cross. I feel as if its five stars draw me ever deeper into the mystery of Aotearoa.

My attraction to Elle grows. I feel loving feelings bubbling up around her. Where will these feelings lead? I wonder about the nature of love. Do we ‘fall in love’ amidst a tangle of desires and projections… or is love an energetic power which seeks us out for its own mysterious purposes? Perhaps both are true.

Green love

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Crossing our threshold

On the final afternoon of our time at Big Bush, Elle tells me she has a gift for me. It’s a massage. She’s lays a mattress under the Ngaio tree. She tells me to undress and lie on my stomach. She takes off her clothes. I’m not to talk. I’m not to touch. I’m to enjoy. She tells me she is about to give me a gift from the Sacred Feminine. She slowly and sensuously massages my back with almond oil perfumed with honey and patchouli. Her touch is exquisite. She massages with hands, breasts & skin. She then asks me to turn over. She continues to massage with hands, breasts and skin. She puts dark chocolate in her mouth and shares it with me. She does the same with cherries. Like a tiny bird I take cherries and chocolate from her mouth. She brushes my body with willow dipped in water; with grass seed heads; with manuka. I have never experienced a gift like this. I feel deeply seen and honoured. What I experience is holy.

After the massage I stretch out under the shade of the Ngaio tree. Elle lies beside me. A gentle breeze blows across our bodies. I feel touched to the core. I was raised a Catholic with all the sexual repression which comes with that religion. I suspect I’ve struggled to break free most of my life. In recent years I’ve come to see the sexual energy of the universe as the energy of the Goddess. I also see that this energy can be channeled in ways that bring life and liberation to men and women. I want to open to this powerful transformative energy. I want to open to Spirit in all areas of my life including the sexual.

Under the Ngaio tree… eating cherries…

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Three

Two days later I park up at the Waihi Bush music Festival. Elle joins me. We are both aware of the possibility of forming a relationship. Sentences begin with; ‘I know it’s early days but…’

Elle talks of forming a ‘conscious relationship.’ I’m not totally sure what she means. I know an increase in personal consciousness will include a growing freedom from whatever binds us in the unconscious.

We have both become aware that past relationships begin to affect our present connection. On the edge of sleep the Self speaks; ‘For they carry seeds and influences of all kinds.’

I see that forming a ‘conscious relationship’ will include shining the light of consciousness on the ways that these unconscious ‘seeds’ and ‘influences’ seek to affect our relationship.

The Self wants me to enjoy my developing intimacy with Elle. From across the borders of sleep I hear; ‘Moments like these… snuggling into Mary.’ The Self reminds me that, while snuggling into Elle is snuggling into a very human woman, it is also snuggling into the Goddess. Again I hear the Self; ‘Love grows cold without a handle on it.’ Our love is new. It’s a fragile fire which needs nurture and care. I need to get a handle on this. As a conscious male I must step forward and play an active role in forming the relationship.

Love grows cold without a handle on it

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 Dig true

Roadside Blessings – Kevin

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