Psalm 59

i cannot explain how you become icon to me…
though i can say… i exclude nothing…
i see your suffering… &… as son… bleed…

i become a tender watcher along your way…
press cigarettes & passionfruit ice-cream to your lips…

yet, i cannot take away what has come…

all i can do is remain

in the deepening darkness at your feet…

to remain is to feel…
to remain is to struggle…
to remain is to question…
to remain is to become truly present

to
the slow tearing of the heart…

it
is this
i must allow…
& allow, & allow, & allow

if
i am to become fully human…

it’s
in the details a heart is torn…
in the grit…

in
the constant falling short of the ideal…
in
the daily recognition of powerlessness…
in
ordinariness… everydayness… nothing-specialness…

in
the staunch stepping forward to offer all one is…

in
the steely determination…

to remain

Kevin Moran 5/2/08 … (Ash Wednesday)

Whakapapa: This poem was written out of my journey with my mother as her memory declined & she was eventually admitted to a dementia ward. It follows the template of the Christ’s passion & death. The Christ was supported on his journey by his mother, woman followers, & John the beloved disciple. In this poem my mother is the suffering Christ. I am her disciple, learning & growing as I support & suffer with her as she endures the Cross of dementia.

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